i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
