I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize