$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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