Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Randomize
