So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
