If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
