so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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