My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
