If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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