It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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