Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
