the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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