Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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