Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
