What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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