Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
