Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
