oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
