i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
