are you still at the devil's house?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
