I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
