this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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