At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
