OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
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you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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