i barfeds in our rink
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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