i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
