i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
