No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
