due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
