I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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