I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
