I can tuck mytits in my pants
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
