just come out here and I will go home with you...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
