When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I want a musical about memes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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