Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
