Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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