Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
