The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
splinters make it hard to masturbate
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
