This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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