If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
