Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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