They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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