And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
