In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
