why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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