My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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