I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
