Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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