Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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