maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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