it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
