How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
