i wish my penis had a tongue
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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