woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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