I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
