I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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