dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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