if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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