I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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