Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
