3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
jump out the window naked night went bad
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