Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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