Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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