she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
