I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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