Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
