HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
