I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
