alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish you could order shots online.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
